Why Does Crying Occur During Sleep Training?

Why is Crying an Inevitable Part of Sleep Training?

Understanding the difficulty of crying that your baby experiences when learning a new, hard skill

Crying is often an inevitable part of sleep coaching because it represents a natural response to change, especially for infants or toddlers who are learning a new way of falling asleep. Here’s why it happens — and why it’s not necessarily a sign that something is wrong:

1. Crying is a Form of Communication

Babies cry to express discomfort, confusion, or protest. When sleep routines change, such as no longer being rocked, nursed, or held to sleep, crying is their way of reacting to that unfamiliar situation.

2. Sleep Coaching Involves Change — and Change Is Hard

Sleep coaching teaches a baby or toddler to fall asleep independently. Even the gentlest method can create frustration or resistance at first, because the child is used to a certain way of falling asleep. Crying is how they process this change. Think about the last time you went through a major change and how it made you feel! 

3. Emotional Regulation Takes Time

Infants and toddlers don’t yet have the tools to regulate emotions like adults. As they develop the ability to self-soothe (every baby is capable of this life-changing skill), crying is often part of the process — much like how toddlers may cry during other transitions (e.g., starting daycare or weaning).

4. Not All Crying Is Harmful

It’s important to distinguish between:

• Protest crying: Common, safe, and temporary. It usually happens at the start of sleep coaching.

• Distress crying: Needs attention and may suggest a different issue (like illness, hunger, or discomfort).

Research-based sleep coaching approaches account for this and build in ways for parents to provide support and reassurance — even if not by picking up the child every time. You have the ability to be there for your child during this process and provide reassurance in a way that aligns with your comfort level. 

5. Sleep Associations Are Powerful

If a child has always fallen asleep in someone’s arms, being placed in a crib and expected to drift off alone can feel disorienting. Crying is the child’s response to losing a sleep association that once brought comfort. Soon they will find the same comfort in falling asleep independently. 

Final Thought

Crying during sleep coaching is not about abandonment — it’s often about adjustment. With consistency, warmth, and a well-chosen method that suits your child’s temperament and your parenting style, the crying typically reduces and healthy sleep habits form.

Would you like to explore specific sleep coaching methods and how they handle crying? Let’s get started with a 1:1 plan to support your child through this learning process.